Indifference

I just want to leave this place, go somewhere new and get an opportunity to do something different. I have always wanted to take my second year in the states, but unfortunately that opportunity is gone now. Honestly I do not think there has been any time I have wished more to go than now. Things are starting to fall apart, and even though it is giving up, I just want to forget about it. I just want to give up when I see that I am the only one fighting, when I am the only one who spends time and powers trying to fix it. I question myself if it is worth it, is it worth fighting for someone if the other person do not give a damn?


While losing my friend, I lose myself because it makes me so sad. For a while now I have felt this sadness and it changes me. I may seem happy and I may be laughing, but still the ache is there underneath it all. It is strange to look back a year and see the difference. My smile used to be so sincere.


At school life is easier though, because it takes my mind off of things. The nights are tougher. At night I have time to think and it just hurt so bad to think about it. It takes real effort to hold back my tears, and sometimes they are just too wild to be tamed.


Where were you when I needed you?