Pursue your dreams, if you have any

The last couple of weeks have been busy, or well at least I have not prioritized writing. I have been sick, but I guess that have been because I do not have willpower to do anything. I feel a little exhausted, not due to school, but of life. I wish I had any goals in life. Something more than just experiencing the world and have a family. I want something more out of my life, I want to be something special and something that really matters. Every day I feel more and more lost in this big world, and I realize I am just an ant in an anthill. We are all just workers. We work and work, only so that we can live, but the truth is that if we become too obsessed with working, we are not really living. 

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all."

                                                                                              - Oscar Wilde

However, the fact that I feel the way I do, makes me only more stupid and even more like the rest of the world. What I want, and what I want out of life, is what probably most of the population of this world wants too. I think to myself that I am the only one to feel like this, but in reality there are so many others who think like that too. Just like when I think I have a great problem or something horrible happens to me, I think to myself that I am the only one to experience that and I feel so alone, but when I think about it, I am quite sure there is someone out there who is going through the same. Probably something even worse. My thoughts are selfish.

I wish I had an answer of what I want out of life. What is my goal, what is my point of living? Do I want to follow the status quo and end up like every other family, working from 9 to 5 at a company I do not really like? I do not know, and I wish I did. Everybody needs a dream to pursue.

Hope for the future

A second, a minute, time passes without us paying attention to it. We do not feel the change from one year to another, but the truth is that every day is a new step toward the unknown, and one day less with the freedom of being young.

We fill our minds with what the future will bring, but never forget what the past has brought. Memories are the most cherished privileges in life, at least mine. A person who cannot remember, is a very lost person.

                                                                                          

"Living is like tearing through a museum. Not until later do you really start absorbing what you saw, thinking about it, looking it up in a book, and remembering - because you can't take it in all at once."

                                                                                                        -Audrey Hepburn

 I have grown up among friends and family, always someone to love, always someone who loves me. Through the years I have met new people, made new friends, but at the same time I have slowly slipped away from old friends. While getting to know all the new people, you give less time to your old friends.The ones I have grown up with are almost replaced with new friends, and I cannot help to think; Before I thought I would never slip away from my former friends and that happened. Now I sort of worry that will happen with my current friends. I guess it is just all up to me, whether I will let it happen or not.

However, what is the most important to me, is that even though some friends will come, and some will go, I hope I always will have the ones who are the most important to me around. 

Half full or half empty

Lately I guess, I have been thrown back to where I started; I do not have much to think about, and my head is almost completely blank. However, everything is good, everything is chill.

There is no love like the first

"The first time you fall in love, it changes your life forever, and no matter how hard you try, the feeling never goes away."

                                                                                                              - Nicholas Sparks

My first love is a good memory, and I love to look back at it. There was no fighting, just happiness and love. I am so sincerely happy he was my first love, and I will carry the feeling of being loved like that for the rest of my life. 

Now and then I realize how stupid it was of me to let go of him. How can I get anyone better than him? Or at least anything close to how great he was. Is. Sometimes I think I should not have pushed him away, that I should have endured it and tried to solve it. I blame it on that I was young and did not know what I wanted. Maybe I was insecure, but mostly I pushed him away because that is what I do. Like I said in that earlier post. But if we are meant to be, then maybe we will be united someday.

"One of the hardest parts of life is deciding whether to walk away or try harder."