Some things happened which I am not at all proud of, and that I cannot talk to many people about. I just crossed a line, both mine and my friends'. When I realised what I had done, there was no way I could stop thinking about it. That was all that went through my mind for two days. I could not think about anything else, I could not eat and I could not concentrate at school. It was horrible, and it all made me want to cry so badly. However, not a single tear was shed. I felt so crushed and nervous and disappointed, but the tears stayed back. Even now I feel like shedding a tear, but I cannot!
"There is an ancient tribal proverb I once heard in India. It says that before we can see properly, we must first shed our tears to clear the way."
- Libba Bray
Anything personal will not make me cry, because I have turned into a coconut or something. Hard as a rock on the outside, but as soon as you crack me, the tears will start pouring. I am just wondering what will be so heartbreaking that it will make me cry, because so far it has only been used sticks in attempt to crack me.
On the other hand, I now only cry happy tears. Very often I feel like I experience so overwhelming and wonderful things that makes me want to cry, and sometimes I do. This is very new to me, I never used to cry happy tears before.
"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning to do afterwards."
- Kurt Vonnegut
Although it might sound good, I am not sure it is. I know I lock up what bothers me, and keep it in, and there is no way for it to let out. The happy tears are just side effects of that. Confused feelings escaping.
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