Christmas Eve was wonderful with a delicious meal and a lot of presents. The day started out with three hazelnuts for Cinderella, I watch it every year, and it is what gives me Christmas spirit.
We had porridge, reindeer steak, flan, fruit and nuts, and at last we had cake and Christmas cookies. I was so full I had to lay down. I am so thankful for being so privileged, it is important to remind yourself to be thankful.
I also got some great presents; from my sister and her husband, grandma and grandpa and my auntie and uncle, I got beer glasses and champagne glasses from Ritzenhoff.
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| Beer glasses |
Now I have ten beer glasses and five champagne glasses. Also I got some make-up, gift cards and money. I do not really care that much about the presents though. The most fun part is giving away great presents, but this year I did not do that as good either. I am more fond of personal gifts with meaning, instead of just something materialistic.
My dear. I am afraid I have been too tough on my friend, and I have not been there when she needed me. I understand now that it may not be only me who has been hurting the last couple of months. We slipped away from each other, but now I see that it has gone too far. I miss my friend, and maybe she misses me too?
She has changed since we stopped hanging out. She cries now, everything insignificant makes her cry. One year ago, she was the toughest person I knew, she seemed invincible. She hated clichés, pop music and cheesy love songs. Now she is the complete opposite.
She has many other good friends, and I can see she really loves them. I have decided to do my best to be a better friend, however. I do not know if she opens up to the others, which may be the reason she is more vulnerable now. But maybe if I am a better friend to her, she will open up to me, and she will feel better? I really miss the way we used to be. Although she may took our friendship for granted, and figured we would never drift apart, she was right to think that I would come running back. I mean, someone has to try, because as much as I had hoped, she has not tried too much. Anyway, I have always been the soft one in our friendship. At least I thought so.
The incident I was talking about in the last post, made me think that I might had ruined a friendship. Fortunately, everything seems to be fine. I am so relieved, and I might have exaggerated a bit. Everything seemed to solve itself, for now. I hope everything will remain fine between us. I would hate to loose such a great friend.
:)
It has been a while since I have written, but now I feel like I have something to write. This weekend was awful.
Some things happened which I am not at all proud of, and that I cannot talk to many people about. I just crossed a line, both mine and my friends'. When I realised what I had done, there was no way I could stop thinking about it. That was all that went through my mind for two days. I could not think about anything else, I could not eat and I could not concentrate at school. It was horrible, and it all made me want to cry so badly. However, not a single tear was shed. I felt so crushed and nervous and disappointed, but the tears stayed back. Even now I feel like shedding a tear, but I cannot!
"There is an ancient tribal proverb I once heard in India. It says that before we can see properly, we must first shed our tears to clear the way."
- Libba Bray
Anything personal will not make me cry, because I have turned into a coconut or something. Hard as a rock on the outside, but as soon as you crack me, the tears will start pouring. I am just wondering what will be so heartbreaking that it will make me cry, because so far it has only been used sticks in attempt to crack me.
On the other hand, I now only cry happy tears. Very often I feel like I experience so overwhelming and wonderful things that makes me want to cry, and sometimes I do. This is very new to me, I never used to cry happy tears before.
"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning to do afterwards."
- Kurt Vonnegut
Although it might sound good, I am not sure it is. I know I lock up what bothers me, and keep it in, and there is no way for it to let out. The happy tears are just side effects of that. Confused feelings escaping.
